Day 4 – He comes running


Day 4. While others may post miles, I’ll have to start with steps. On this day last month I only walked 25 steps, and that was just to be admitted into the hospital for the 8th grueling time in 6 months, only to return 2 more times in April. One visit to the ER put my body into shock when they mixed 8 contraindicated meds with my 8 usual meds. Me, the chick who birthed babies at home to avoid all meds was on 16-18 meds and IV fluids weekly! 
Matt said at that time, for the 1st time in this battle with my health issues, that he didn’t know if I was going to make it. As he carried my limp body to the car I saw my scared boys holding the doors open for him. It was a lonely, dark, brutal time for me and Matt. I can absolutely say I was fighting physically here and spiritually in a heavenly place to stay alive. In the hospital, I had to be taken off all my meds cold turkey, which was a process in itself. Now with all meds out of my system, with things settling into remission, and with a beautiful, powerful Holy Spirit moment of healing in the hospital, I can absolutely say “I am healed!”
Head to pancreas to toe. 
We have kept my health issues mostly private, it’s just not something we wanted to claim and it has not been pretty. Let’s just say, in 7 months I lost a family member, some friends, my dog, my job, my ability to eat/digest food and my sense of normalcy. I lost my identity a bit in there too. But, in the thick of it, I actually gained so much more, that I can see now. I have gained a new perspective when I set aside my pride. I have learned to give grace more and began to receive it myself. I have become more self aware and realized some of my flaws I need to work on. Daily. I feel like I have an endurance now to just deal with things that bugged me or limited me before. I can rejoice now more too, when we run into problems and trials, because I know that they help us develop endurance. (Romans 5:3) I like to think I have a bolder identity and a better new normal too. (And I’m writing a book.) Because truth be told, we have trials, ones that almost suck the Jesus right outta our blessed lil heart. But we can and we do overcome. My story is just His story! That’s all it is. Because when you overcome darkness it’s hard to not share the Light.
But how? So… I’m a secret stalker. I like to follow runners. Not in real life like while they are running. That’s creepy, y’all. No, I follow them online, especially if they post race reports, because it’s inspiring. They train like nobody’s business and they push pass limits that flatten most people. One friend went from ‘fluffy mom’ to ‘fit mother runner’. I always followed along saying “I could never”. Well, not unless a clown was in the bushes as I walked my 50 steps to the mailbox. Because.. sweat, y’all. In south Texas. And mosquitos. And I’m “big boned”, someone said to me my freshman year. But when I was at my sickest, when I cried into my pre-k baby’s hands, because I couldn’t even drive my kids to school myself, I said “one day”. soon. One day I’ll walk. One day I’ll run. One day it’ll be miles. One day I’ll race. But I have to start somewhere, right? 
So here I am, Day 4 of starting this intentional race to walk to run to wellness. I’m willing to be real, raw and transparent with anyone who wants to stalk me. I mean, anyone who wants to hold me accountable to this new identity. Cuz 4K steps didn’t happen today unless it’s Facebook official. I’ll be your walk/runner friend you follow on social media who’s pace is that of a Winter Texan and who only owns moccasins & flip flops. I’ll be the runner chick who posts how she ran a mile… to the raspa stand. Leche, please. I’ll be writing about how this race is half mental/half physical, and wholly spiritual. For me to make a goal and truly accomplish it won’t be easy, but nothing worth doing ever is. “I have not achieved it, but I focus on this one thing: Forgetting the past and looking forward to what lies ahead, I press on to reach the end of the race and receive the heavenly prize”. (Philippians 3:13) I promise to not gripe about limitations and never sugarcoat it. Truth: After Sunday’s walk, I was in bed all Monday with Deep Relief and Netflix. And my abs are screaming after a 30 second plank attempt yesterday. Gosh no, who created that evilness? The same devil that created spanx. But it’s a start. 
Today it was 4,022 steps. That’s more steps than I did Feb 1-April 16 put together. Take that devil, spanx you very much! Because God is good! Because healing is miraculous. Because each baby step forward counts. Because He is faithful. Because His ways are higher than ours and we can do the impossible with Him who gives us strength. 
Here’s a song I listened to on my walk yesterday. It reminds me of this time in my life and gives me hope and reassurance that even when we are struggling sending out a smoke signal, He sees it and comes running. 
Take 2 minutes to listen:
Shine On Us // #WilliamMatthews // Have It All 

“Shine On Us” -#Bethel
“I was stumbling in the darkness

Couldn’t see my hand in front of me

I was sending up an SOS

When all was lost, You came running

Nowhere to run, nowhere to hide

You sent the shadows scattering

When through the clouds, a piercing light

And then I saw You

Shine, shine, shine like the sun

You’re waking us to life

You’ve only begun

Every fear, every doubt disappears

When You shine on us

We wanna see You

Shine, shine, shine like the stars

You are the first love to open my heart

Every hope, every dream comes alive

When You shine on us

When You shine on us

Heart of stone into a prism

Light of heaven flowing through me

Black and white to vibrant color

I’m reflecting Your beauty

I’m overwhelmed, I’m overwhelmed

Just standing in Your presence

Your face illuminates the sky

And then I saw You

Shine, shine, shine like the sun

You’re waking us to life

You’ve only begun

Every fear, every doubt disappears

When You shine on us

We wanna see You

Shine, shine, shine like the stars

You are the first love to open my heart

Every hope, every dream comes alive

When You shine on us

When You shine on us.”
Wow, that song. ‘I’m overwhelmed, I’m overwhelmed’, myself. Had you asked me if I saw the light months ago, I would have said “no”, because the pain was almost too much. I’m overwhelmed that I hung onto a truth that brought me through it “We are hunted down, but never abandoned by God. We get knocked down, but we are not destroyed.” (2 Corinthians 4:9) Because He is waking us to life like the song says, like His word says. Isn’t it beautiful that He shines His light on us, even when we can’t see the hand in front of us? 
That’s what I envisioned walking today. His hand reaching out to me. Me, willing. Running this race, life’s race, with Him. Surely, much easier than without Him. Every fear and doubt can disappear when He comes running! “But those who hope in the LORD will renew their strength. They will soar on wings like eagles; they will run and not grow weary, they will walk and not be faint.” Isaiah 40:31. 
There’s a peace out there when you are alone walking, preferably with the wind to your back, sun shining through a cloudy sky. Now I see why all you crazy runners do it. That, and the fact that you get to put your “tight pants on”. 
I didn’t feel great a few days ago when my 11yr old son drug me out of bed and made me really walk for the 1st time in a long time. When I said “I don’t want to go!” He said “well, do it anyway!” And we did. It’s a start. 
Will you be my running buddy? Today is Day 1. What healing are you needing? What trial are you going to overcome? What do you need to do that you don’t want to do? Please let me be an example so all my pain was worth it and won’t be in vain. I only began to write so my story can encourage you; so you know that the Lord sees you. Hears you. He shines on you. Receive it today. Do it anyway. It’s a start. He comes running. 
Let us run with endurance the race God has set before us. Hebrews 12:1

In His Grip-Nicole Hoff

#HeComesRunning #whyirun #day4 #HeShinesOnUs #BethelMusic 

http://www.NicoleHoff.net

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